Memory of a Deer
By Audrey Christine
Once I saw a deer
And I didn’t know what his name was
So I left him alone
But one day he came back to me
And I wrote him a letter
But he chewed it up
THE END
Loving and Living Spring
Dear Spring,
Oh, how we have been anticipating your arrival. You have teased us with near summer-like days that turned into bone-shivering chills. Though you have officially arrived now, we know your winds are restless and change on whim. While your warmth and promise may disappear tomorrow, for today we are reveling in your blue skies, windy breath and sunshine. Thank you for sweeping us into your arms and letting us sail along with you. In celebration of your arrival, here is how we spent our day:
~Waking to the sounds of birds merrily chirping and blue skies beckoning out the window.
~Marveling at the simplicity of new giant pinwheels as a surprise gift in celebration of spring
~Watching those pinwheels spin and spin until the colors blurred and it seemed as though they just might take off from the ground.
~Spinning round and round while magic bubbles spilled from our wands and the winds carried them away.
~Chasing Anna and she chased birds all around the neighborhood simply in the earnest quest to “hold one!”
~Sidewalk chalk messages of our love for family and pictures of spring and rebirth
~A picnic lunch on a grassy hill as a cardinal serenaded us from above.
~Speechless wonder as the most giant hawk I’ve ever seen glided right above us so closely that I feared he might be seeing us as dinner.
~Baking brownies and fighting to get every last lick of yummy batter.
And all of this before 1pm in the afternoon! Amazingly, this wonderful day was filled with special memories and no special effort. All this beauty and stillness happening on our plot of earth. No car, no noise, no schedule. Only childhood, nature, and wonder. As I type these words, my wind chimes are playing me a unique melody and my ears strain for sounds of a little one waking from a sleepy nap. Evening beckons with the promise of dinner with friends and all is well with the world. Happy spring.
Change is in the Air
After a long blogging hiatus and much introspection, I am now writing in a new space. You are welcome to follow the journey at my new blogging home: Seeking The Still.
Awakening
It seems only right to unveil this blog on the first day of spring. The external world is awakening and I find myself being swept along with it. Spring signifies a rebirth of spirit to me and that is also what I’m seeking with this blog.
For the past few years, I have been blogging (on and off) at Pixy Mom about our daily lives in an effort to keep alive the memories that seem too often to fade into the corners of my mind. I struggled to be consistent in blogging – blaming it on being busy. However, after much introspection, I think it was more a combination of my procrastination and perfectionism winning over the desire to put my words in print. The past 6 months have been a time of healing and enlightenment for me. I’ve always heard that the age 30 is one of those special times in a lifetime where a shift occurs. That certainly held true for me. Where materialism, black and white thinking and need to please others used to live, I now find a new desire for simplicity, new ideas, and a growing sense of who I really am, apart from how the world sees me.
In light of this new awakening, I found the need to have a space where I can challenge myself to seek the still. To find purpose and meaning in the most simple of places, but in most extraordinary ways. I’m growing, I’m awakening, and I’m learning to seek the still.
Intimations of Immortality by Wordsworth
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The soul that rises with us, our life’s star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar;
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.
Heaven lies about us in our infancy;
Shades of the prison-house begin to close
Upon the growing boy,
But he beholds the light, and whence it flows.
He sees it in his joy;
The youth, who daily farther from the east
Must travel, still is Nature’s priest,
And by the vision splendid
Is on his way attended;
At length the man perceives it die away,
And fade into the light of common day.
There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore-
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
We witnessed a miracle today! About a week and a half ago, I was picking green beans from the garden when I saw a beautiful blue and green caterpillar attached to one of the green beans. He wasn’t moving and he was in a strange stance with his mouth and end fixed on the bean and his body bending in between. He looked very much alive but perhaps asleep. I wondered if he was in his coma state getting ready to make his cocoon. So, we put him in a bug catcher with a bunch of green bean leaves (in case he really wasn’t ready for his cocoon). Two days later we checked on him and he was gone! In his place in the very same location on the bean was an amazing cocoon. Wow! We were so excited. Each day for the past week we checked on him and today an amazing thing happened. There was a BEAUTIFUL butterfly in the bug catcher. The cocoon was broken open and there he was. I was jumping up and down with joy. The girls let him out and away he flew. What an incredible joy to be witness to that miracle. Thank you , God!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I just had the most amazing bonding time with Audrey. I was tucking her into bed with the lights off and she started asking me questions about God and “sins.” Today during a time out, she made up a song about her sins. It was precious, but she’s obviously dealing with some angst about not being good all the time. I hope that we haven’t put too much pressure on her in that regard. In any light, we ended up talking about the special gifts God gives us and what hers are/will be. It’s times like these that make up for the times I feel like I’m going to pull my hair out.
Case in point, on the way home from Sarah’s today both girls peed through their diaper/underwear. I just spend 30 minutes peeling off pee soaked car seat covers and cleaning the soaked belts. Thank you, God, for knowing that I need a little pick-me-up tonight!
Wednesday – June 25, 2008
We ate our first peas from the garden today! I am so excited. I love my memories of picking peas and eating them right from the pod as a child. Now Audrey and Anna are able to do the same. They both loved them! Audrey and I also discovered a snake’s skin in the nature club today…very cool. I know I have a lot of blogging to catch up on – my trip to Florida with Mom and my sisters, money woes, job search, moving dilemma etc.
I watched a fascinating Oprah show about past lives. This is the second one she’s done on this topic and I’m hooked. Don’t know if I believe it, but I’m much more open to it than I would have been even a year ago. Interesting stuff. I bought a sketch book and pencils at Michael’s yesterday. Me, sketch? I know, but I’m going to give it a try. I know there’s got to be some sort of creativity lurking somewhere in my being…just have to unleash it somehow.
Tuesday – June 3, 2008
Sometimes the most simple days are the best. We had nothing planned for today except for my first piano lesson with Margie in the evening, yet it was just THE BEST day. Amazingly, Audrey crawled into bed with me this morning and let me snuggle with her…she never does that. I knew from then on it was going to be great. The girls helped me vacuum and mop the floors without a single fuss. Such an ordinary task, but I just wanted to freeze that moment in time and keep it forever. There I was vacuuming the floors with Audrey pushing her toy vacuum and Anna “sweeping” the floor with her toy broom. We were all working together in harmony and having fun. Afterwards we rewarded ourselves by making Snicker doodles.
At one point we were in our bedroom and Anna sat down and said “poopoo.” Sure enough, she had gone #2 and was telling me! That was a first! During pre-nap story time, Audrey asked me if I had planted the rose bush I bought a few weeks ago. How she remembers stuff like that I’ll never know. I replied, “yes, I did.” Then she says, “Oh, goodie. Now, when it rains, we can sing raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens!” Oh, that reminds me of another funny thing she said a few days ago. It was about 9am
Audrey: “Mom is 8 o’clock early?”
Me: “Well, not really. We usually get up earlier than that.”
Audrey: “Yes, it is early. Let me show you.” She proceeds to go over to a library book called Mother Goose Numbers on the Loose. She flips through until she finds the page she’s looking for.
Audrey: “See mom, here it says, ‘Early in the morning at 8 o’clock, you can hear the postman’s knock.”
Me: “You are absolutely right. I stand corrected!”
Ok, back on track. After naps we went outside to check on the garden and Audrey wanted to look at the thorns on the roses. E came out and asked for Audrey to play on their new slip and slide. The twins were there, too. Great fun was had by all, including Anna who greatly enjoys being the center of attention and wielding ultimate power by deciding who she will and will not let hold her. They all try to get her to say their names and she’s getting quite good!
After dinner I went to Margie’s for my first piano lesson since somewhere around my freshman year in hight school. I don’t know why I stopped playing in the first place, but it has been well over 15 years since I’ve played with any regularity. A few years ago I refinished an old piano that I got for free on freecycle in anticipation of the girls taking lessons some day and thought, “why shouldn’t I get back to playing.” So I am. It was great fun and I impressed myself with how much I’ve retained. Now I just have to find the time to practice every day!
Monday – June 2, 2008
Happy birthday, Mom! Wish we could have seen you in person for your birthday, but it was fun to sing to you over the phone! Had to take Anna to get a new pair of splints for her shoes today. She did much better than last time – 45 minutes of them messing with her feet and the mold. The Barney DVD kept her entertained. I’m noticing a new level of maturity with Audrey. She is listening well and entertaining herself more, too. Just seems to be happening overnight. After the appointment we went to Trader Joe’s to pick up a few things. Audrey LOVES the kids’ carts there. She picked out these meringue treats that really taste like the marshmallows in Lucky Charms. The girls love them! Anna roamed around the store and tried to eat an apple before I could get to her.
After dinner, Justin was in a bad mood about something and then front of the changing table fell off, AGAIN. I thought he was going to explode, so I took the girls into Audrey’s room to lighten the mood. We just started being silly and had the best time tickling each other and letting them climb all over me. Justin regrouped and joined in the fun…the most I’ve laughed in a long time!!!!
I had crew leader training for VBS and then went to Barnes and Noble to pick up a few piano books for my first lesson tomorrow. I made the mistake of looking for a few books and over one hour and $100 later I left the store. Books are my downfall. I could happily live in a bookstore or library. The smell, feel and anticipation of books is such a heady experience for me. I’m on a C.S. Lewis kick, so I got his autobiography, Surprised By Joy, and a few others. Can’t put it down.
Sunday – June 1, 2008
I had an amazing experience participating in the Anniversary Choir today. In celebration of our church’s 20th anniversary, we lead the 9:30 and 11:00 services with some of the most powerful praise songs. There were several moments of pure joy. It’s such a different perspective being up front and being able to see the faces of all who are worshiping. This Kingdom, Messiah, How Great Is Our God, How Can I Keep From Singing…the list goes on. We were singing How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise during communion when Justin, Audrey and Anna came up right in front of me. I had tears running down my face as I watched them. I literally skipped out church with such a feeling of joy.
Saturday – May 31, 2008
Glorious Saturday – my day to sleep in as long as I want. I slept until almost 9am this morning and finally only got up after listening to Anna’s whining. Justin and the girls went to Toys R Us to get a small swimming pool. While they were gone I realized that the new Sex and the City movie is now playing and promptly called Sarah to see if she wanted to see it. As luck would have it, she already had plans to go with some of her friends at 12:30.
After a moments hesitation, I decided to call up my friend, Steph, who also lives in that town (and who I haven’t seen in about 2 years) to see if she wanted to go, as well. I’M SO GLAD I CALLED. Even though it was a last minute invitation, Steph was able to go and we got to catch up on our lives. Got to meet her two little sweet ones and have a good conversation with her and her husband about education, homeschooling and raising kids. The movie was good, not great. Lots of great fashion that I will never be able to afford, steamy sex scenes and a few tear jerkers. A great afternoon.
Picked up McDonalds on the way home and just got the kids to bed. I’ve had a headache brewing all day since skipping lunch, eating movie popcorn and greasy dinner. Headed to bed now before a long morning in the AM. It was so nice to catch up with Steph…am NOT going to let it go as long without seeing her this time.
A cute story about Anna: Justin was fixing lunch as I was trying to get out of the door to go to the movie. I heard him say something and then heard a loud, “MaMa” and the pitter patter of little feet running down the hall. Anna “tattled” on Justin the entire way to my bathroom in her gibberish way. There was not mistaking the fact that she was NOT happy with her daddy and was coming to tell me all about it! I asked Justin what happened and he had simply closed the refrigerator when she wanted to be in there. It was quite comical.