The Birth of Our First Child {day 4} 31 Moments of Still
And at the end of that time a beautiful rainbow bridge stretched from
heaven to earth and on it came the child as a tiny baby and slid into her mother’s waiting arms.
The Wheels On The Bus {day 3} 31 Days of Still
I spent my early elementary years living in a small Illinois farming town where I took the bus to and from school each day. It was a long trek down the lane where I walked each morning to catch the bus. The schedule even varied from week to week. If it was the early route, I was picked up first. The following week, the driver would reverse the route, and I was picked up last. I’m sure I complained on those days I had to be at the end of our lane so very early, but I do have such fond memories of sitting on that bus.
I was the quiet one. I didn’t chat or laugh it up with other kids. Most of the time I had a book in my hands or rested my forehead against the cool glass and watched the countryside roll by. And what a beautiful countryside it was. Hundred year old farm houses and towering oak trees. Fields full of cattle, tractors plowing, planting, and harvesting. The glitter of freshly fallen snow, first signs of spring, and a kaleidoscope of fall color, always right there just outside my window.
Less than a year ago, I visited that same countryside. My grandmother passed away, and we were traveling from the funeral to the grave site. This time I wasn’t in a bus, but a mini-van. Thirty years had passed, but the journey on that road remained the same. It was probably the strongest deja vu moment I’ve ever experienced. Instantly, I felt a calm sense of still come over me as I rested my head against the glass and it all came flooding back. I remembered how I used to make up stories in my head about the houses and the people that might live there. I remembered stewing over fights with my sisters and dreaming about what life had in store. I watched the rain drops slide down the window and tried to guess which path they would take. I had time to see beyond the ordinary to the extraordinary taking place right before my little eyes.
My own children do not ride the bus. It’s a short 3 minute ride from our house to their school. I often wonder if they are missing out on that quiet time of preparing for the day and decompressing on the way home. It would be easy to look back and think, How many days of my life did I waste on those long bus rides? Lots of time, yes, but wasted time, no. I had a chance to sit, to reflect, to enjoy the beauty of nature, and to be still…couldn’t we all use a little bit more of that…
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
Love You to the Moon and Back {day 2} 31 Moments of Still
I was an honest to goodness worrywart when I was a child. I fretted about everything from having cancer to returning my books to the library past the due date. So when my parents traveled to Hawaii for a vacation, I was beside myself with negative thoughts. A plane crash…no parents…what was a 5th grade girl to do but wring her hands and clench her stomach in fear?
But my mother, in all her love and wisdom, did a beautiful thing. She wrote us a letter for each day she was gone. Every day we opened an envelope to read her reassuring words, but I honestly remember the contents of only one. On this particular day, she figured out a certain time of night when my sister and I (only two of us were old enough) could look at the moon at the very same time that she and my dad looked at it. It was a way for us to feel close even though we were so very far away. The designated time must have been around 9pm because I remember having to stay up a bit longer than usual. We were lying on a mattress in the living room of my grandparents 100 year old farm house and there were huge windows just beside us.
At just the right time, I gazed up through those windows, my eyes staring wide at the brilliant moon above. I think perhaps there might have even been a prayer that we all said at just that same moment. What a gift my mother gave me that evening. It was a shift in perspective I will remember always.
Over the past year I traveled twice to Africa, leaving behind my own young daughters. The first time I went, I wrote them a letter for every day and, yes, one of those nights we stared at the same glorious moon from two continents away. Separated by distance, but not by love.
In times when I feel overwhelmed, I am still comforted and calmed by placing my gaze upon the moon. It holds great significance for me. A beacon of light in the darkest of times. Even more so because it reminds me of the love of the One who placed it in the evening sky. I like to think He knew we would need a reminder in the midst of our darkness, that there is light shining down on us. And just like the moon, that light we need so greatly is a reflection. It is the reflection of a love so deep and so strong that it is above our ability to comprehend. A love that always lights the way just when we need it the most…
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5
Earliest Memory {day 1} 31 Moments of Still
A trip down memory lane. That’s what this challenge is turning out to be for me. It’s a fitting time for such a trip. In the autumn season, I often find myself turning inward. As the leaves change, so does the direction of my thoughts. I find that I’m more reflective as the days grow cooler and shorter. The rhythm of nature reminding me that times of quiet and rest are necessary to thrive and grow.
For this first moment of still, I wracked my brain for a very first memory of safety and security. As a baby, I know I was greatly loved. I was the first granddaughter on my dad’s side, the first child my parents would get to hold in their arms. I had no shortage of loving people in my life to nurture (and spoil) me. So, what was my first memory of the quiet still that I seek so earnestly these days…
I don’t know what age I was, but it was definitely winter. I recall sliding my little legs inside the arm of my mother’s winter coat. I was wearing my Sunday best with the requisite legging tights because I remember feeling the silky lining of her coat rub against the stockings on my legs. I cocooned myself, warm and cozy, and laid down on the wooden church pew. The sound of the organ and voices of my parents mixing in with the congregation. Warm, safe, loved…still. In the embrace of that moment, I rested, giving in to the peace that soothed my little soul.
I’m sure I wasn’t always an angel during those early church services, but to this day sitting in the church sanctuary brings me much peace. I am thankful that my parents didn’t relegate me to the church nursery that day, though I’m sure there were plenty of times they did. How amazing to think my first memory of peace and serenity is within the very house of my Lord – the only one who can bring true, lasting stillness.
As 36-year-old adult, I can no longer cocoon myself in a pew, but I can most certainly rest in Him. That moment, more than 30 years ago, is a reminder to me that the stillness I desire is never more than a breath away. In His presence, all can find rest.
Come to me, all you who are
weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and
learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest
for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:
28-31
31 Moments of Still
Several bloggers I admire have joined a challenge to write a post each day during the month of October for 31 Days of {Change}. There are over one thousand interesting topics that women are writing about this month. I am late to the party. I did not have a topic planned out in advance, and I do not have a list of posts waiting in the wings. But I just have a feeling that I need to do this, so here we go: 31 moments of still.
If you take the time to read this blog, you will quickly see I have been anything but diligent in writing about my quest for stillness in my life. Perhaps this little 31 day exercise is just what I need – a reminder of why I started this journey in the first place.
Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking about what I need to DO to find MORE stillness in my life that I don’t appreciate the moments I’ve already been given. So, for the 31 days of October, I am going to take time to reflect on 31 moments of still that have occurred in my own life. Perhaps in doing so, I just might learn a thing or two.
Enough: Five Minute Friday
This is my Five Minute Friday on Monday!
Rolling up to a stoplight I see her. A woman in dark winter clothes in the noontime heat of a 105 degree day. HOMELESS her cardboard sign says. I start to switch lanes to her side of the road, but the light turns green. My soul is pulled. I’m late for an appointment. Reaching her would require me to turn around. My heart says, “go back.” My head says, “go on.” I keep my foot pressing on the gas and tears fill my eyes. The petty grievances I was just worrying about fall away. My “wish list” for my home seems trite. How often do I compare my life to others who have “more than me” and neglect to consider those who have so much less. My life is blessed. Even on the days I feel less than, I have more than enough.
Will she still be there on my way home? I do hope …
Part 2 From Later Today: She was still there! An hour after I first saw her, I drove toward home with a $20 bill resting just inside my purse. This was a small miracle since I never have cash, but for “some reason” I got $20 cash at the grocery store earlier this morning. Truthfully, I’ve never stopped to give someone something on the side of the road. I usually say a prayer for them and go on my way. But there was something about this woman…
As I approached the intersection I didn’t see her at first. She was hunched over her backpack, wiping the sweat that was pouring down her face. I drove a few yards past her and pulled onto the shoulder, momentarily wondering how this is done. Should I wave her over? Get out of the car? The protocol was definitely outside my comfort zone. I wonder now why it didn’t occur to me to plan out what I was going to say or do if she was there. Perhaps because I didn’t really think she’d still be there.
As it happened, I hopped out of the car and walked toward her before she even noticed I was there. I suppose she doesn’t get many visitors. “MAM?” I said. “I’m sorry. I saw you earlier and wasn’t able to stop. Here you go. God bless you.” I held out the folded $20 bill and she took it without looking at it. Her brown, weathered face stared at mine.
“God bless you,” she replied. And that was it. I got back into my car and drove away.
As I sit here now, I’m mad at myself for not saying more. Why didn’t I even ask her name? Tell her I would pray for her. Something.
Driving away, I looked into my rear view mirror. She was wiping something off her face with her hand. Was it tears? Sweat? I’ll never know. What I do know is that it felt good to pay attention to the still, small voice that told me to help. I pray it was enough to get her a meal and something cold to drink, but perhaps even more importantly I hope it was enough to give her hope. And I hope it was enough to snap me out of my funk and point me back on the path that matters.
Perhaps next time, I’ll be more prepared. Maybe I will stop right away and remember to ask her name. Lord, give me enough courage to follow through.
The “Art” of Living
Creating breathes art. Letting lose on a blank page completes me as nothing else. Strange how the act of creating, doing, can bring so much stillness to life. Writing sets me free, letting the thoughts out, so life can fill in. What is art to you? Cooking a new recipe. Planting a flower. Covering a new canvas with images from your dreams. I don’t define art the way I used to, limited to the traditional means. Art is the way you live. It’s what you create on a day to day basis. Sometimes you can see it. Other times it’s wrapped up in the lullabies you sing to your children at night. Always, it’s a release of some kind that lets a bit of yourself out into the world. We were made to create art, just as creation does. The colors of the sunset and the songs of the robin remind us…to create art is to live.
Yikes! This was my first attempt at Five Minute Fridays where you set a timer and write for 5 minutes about whatever comes into your head. Frightening and liberating all at the same time! I do believe that I’ll do it again!
Letting Go
Let it go. Three little words that seem so simple, yet they hold a conflict that rests deep within me. I seek the still because my life is anything but still. My thoughts are in a constant state of flurry, my worries threaten to do me in, and the activities of life always take more time than I have to give. On top of the chaos, I hold on to people and things in an effort to control the uncontrollable.
I dropped off my youngest daughter at cheer camp yesterday from the car line for the first time. As she walked toward the tent all by her lonesome, my stomach dropped, and I fretted. What if she doesn’t know where she’s going? Will she ask someone if she needs help? I’m so not ready to let her go.
And yet, we must let go. Of our children, of our worry, of the schedules that cannot be kept. Holding on to the worries and distractions of life is no way to live. I teach that to my children, why can I not live my own advice? Thinking that I’m really in control is just a fallacy, anyway – something to make me feel more secure in a world that is anything but safe and secure.
I think it boils down to one word…trust. Who do I put my trust in? The honest answer is myself. I feel responsible for those around me and deep down I know that I will fail them eventually. So I worry and fret and hold on. But every once in awhile, in my quest to seek the still, I remember. I remember that I am not the one in control even when I think I am. For all my efforts and good intentions, there is an Architect of Life smarter and kinder and more loving than I could ever hope to be. And He wants me to let go. Let go and give it all to Him. My kids and my relationships and my plans, He wants me to lay them all down in His hands.
What freedom that brings! Can you let it go today? Whatever is worrying you or sucking you into the quagmire of doubt, can you give up control and give it to God? There is still there, I promise. It’s waiting right on the other side. Reach out and grab it today. Let it go, live, and dance in joy!
Summer Possibilities
Summer is a delicate balance of exuberant energy and decadent downtime. Every year I look forward to summer with childlike glee in my heart, especially as I experience it through the eyes of my children. In all my planning glory, I try every year to design that mythical “perfect summer.” Yet, what I’ve learned is the more I plan, the more often I am disappointed when events do not match up to the perfection I dream up in my head. This isn’t just a lesson I’ve learned about summer, it also translates to the rest of my life.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe dreams and plans are beautiful and necessary, but I’m learning to leave the details in my head a bit more fuzzy than I used to. The truth is that God has dreams and plans way bigger than mine could ever be. He also has the unique power to make them come true. So instead of planning every moment and every detail, I’m learning to leave days, even weeks, blissfully open and free. To savor the anticipation of simple moments that occur naturally in a lazy day of snuggles , impromptu games, and creative inspiration. In a world that is chronically over-scheduled and chaotic, I’m staking a claim on my summer. Weaving a balance of activities and nothingness that I hope will gently feed our souls and relationships during the upcoming season.
All too soon, school time will return. Both of my beautiful girls will be in school all day for the first time. Our lives will continue to get busier and busier as they spread their wings toward the future. So I’m making a pledge today to soak it all in. Every. Last. Moment. Wondering what God has in store…
Sidenote: By popular request, we are having “summer school” over the next few months. No schedules or expectations, just lots and lots of reading and creative inspiration to fuel our love for learning and each other. I’m happy to share these amazing resources we’re using. Each of them are by authors that I truly treasure. My inner child is squealing with glee!
Available at amazon.com:
The Story of the World Volume 1: Ancient Times by Susan Wise Bauer
The Story of the World Activity Book by Susan Wise Bauer
Drawing with Children by Mona Brookes
Bach and Beethoven from the Great Musician Series by Opal Wheeler
A Child’s Geography: Explore His Earth by Ann Voskamp
A Child’s Seasonal Treasury by Betty Jones (out of print)
The Rhythm of Family by Amanda and Stephen Soule
How will you leave space in your summer for God to work miracles? Won’t you please share?!?
From The Mouths of Babes – 1st Edition
I have learned some of life’s greatest lessons from my children. Their innocence and refreshing perspective have blessed me in so many ways. As I continue to seek the still, I thought it only appropriate to share some of the inspiration I receive from these little ones. I post this with my daughter Audrey’s permission and hope it blesses you the same way it blessed me.
An Original Song by Audrey
God, You are the One I need to survive.
You came in a manger for my life.
I love You and You love me.
You came down to set me free.
You came down to die for me,
And I will open up my heart and let Your kingdom set me free.
I Love You God!!!
I Love You God!!!
May these precious words from a 7-year-old believer give you strength, peace, and comfort. If you have inspiring words from the mouths of babes that you would like to share, send me an email! They can teach us so much about the simple joys of life.
Getting On The Bus
Have you ever been unsure of your current circumstances? Feeling like God has a plan for you, yet not sure what it is or how you will get there? If so, this story is for you…
In Uganda this past summer I met a little girl named Sharon who never spoke a word, yet forever made an impression upon my heart. She sat still on my lap, probably a bit nervous, most certainly quiet and shy. Just the kind of girl I had once been. In an effort to bring some joy to her face, I gave her the two half-empty water bottles pictured here. It was the most simple of gifts, yet she clutched them tightly and fought off older kids to give one to her little sister. Just as I imagine my own Audrey would have done for Anna.
Sharon stayed silently by my side, seeking me out when we were separated in the chaos of handing out necklaces and “sweeties.” As we sat on broken steps with shattered glass at our feet, I racked my brain for a way to communicate with this sweet girl. I pulled out my journal and asked her to draw a picture. She didn’t understand, so I drew a heart, gave her the pen, and pointed for her to do the same. She tentatively drew her own version of the shape. We continued this process with a smiley face, flower, and tree. I was gently showing her the way as we traded the pen back and forth. Soon the older girls crowded around wanting their own turn to draw, and I was able to ask them her name.
I became so enthralled with these girls and their drawings that I didn’t noticed the rest of our team had disappeared. On the way to the bus where everyone was waiting for me, Sharon continued to hold tightly to my hand. I told her goodbye and climbed the steps only to realize that she was climbing them, too. The other kids quickly pulled her back laughing and it dawned on me… she thought she was coming with me. The force of that realization hit me, as I frantically searched the crowd. She lifted her little hand in goodbye and was pushed to the back of the throng of children. See her way in the back lifting her little hand, precious water bottle to her lips?
We pulled away and there she stood, still clutching that bottle. She hadn’t known me for more than a few hours and never spoke a word. Yet, she had enough trust to get on a bus to go who knows where?
I’ve been in a place of uncertainty lately. Feeling God’s whispering call, but not clearly hearing His voice. The opportunity to return to Uganda in a few months presented itself, and this memory kept coming back to me as I struggled with whether I should go. I wonder if I’ll see her again, and if she will remember me? I wonder what she thought of the stranger who shared her pen that summer day? Most of all, I wonder if I have the kind of innocent trust to propel me to get on a bus without knowing where it was heading or if/when it would return?
In my own life the bus isn’t literal, but I know that God does indeed have plans that take me outside my comfort zone. Returning to Africa being one of them. Instead of trusting in Him, I shut Him out with my fears. When He seeks me out, I reason Him away instead of taking the pen and tracing the very words that show me the way. Maybe it’s time to take a lesson from a little girl in a remote Ugandan village. To take pleasure in the simple things and hold on to them tightly…to be still…to listen with my heart instead of speaking with my mouth…to follow Him…and to simply get on the bus when He calls.
Barely Breathing – Seeking a Writer’s Assistant
My deepest apologies, loyal readers, for leaving you hanging the past few months. I returned from Africa exhausted physically and mentally, but full of ideas for sharing the stories of my journey. Somehow I let life get in the way. My “real jobs” have required a lot of my time, and we are just now getting into our new school routines. Rest assured, I still have my notes and ideas ready, I have just come to the realization that I need a bit of assistance to give this blog and my other writing the focus it deserves.
So, here is the exciting part. I have a feeling that someone reading this right now knows the perfect person to help me take my words to the next level. Let me give you the specifics. This would be an UNPAID position because I have yet to make any money from writing, and any writing I do about Uganda will go to support that mission directly. However, we can definitely look into getting college credits for it as internship. So, what I have to offer is experience (a wonderful resume builder) and the satisfaction of working with me in getting my words out to more and more people, building relationships with Christ and others along the way. Hopefully we will even get a book published! I have a lot of experience to share and would love to help someone get their feet wet in this industry!
Who I am looking for: A college-age student would be ideal. Preferably someone studying communications, PR, or a related field. They do not have to be local. I’m sure we could work “virtually,” but someone who comes home to this area would be ideal. That way we could occasionally meet in person. It could also be someone who just has some extra time on their hands and wants to be part of something special! The individual must be a strong writer and have excellent proofreading skills – they will be proofreading my work. Also they must be very familiar with social networking tools like Facebook and Twitter. Having graphic design experience would be a plus. This person will also need to have a strong Christian faith, as that is the topic of much of my writing. Also, since this person will have access to my email and social media outlets, they must have outstanding character and be worthy of my complete trust. I’m thinking that it will probably be 5-10 hours of work per week, but it could more if the individual so chooses! I am very flexible as needed.
What The Job Entails: We will work together to come up with the specifics, but right now I’m thinking that my assistant will:
- Research related articles/blog posts and share via social media.
- Maintain my twitter and facebook pages.
- Research contests and publishing opportunities in my genre.
- Research book publishing.
- Submit my articles to publishers/blogs.
- Help me stay in touch with my readers via email and social media.
- Assist me in researching/scheduling blog posts.
- Proofread my work.
- Help me come up with ideas for marketing and PR.
I’m really excited at the prospect of having a partner to spur me along in this endeavor. Do you know anyone who might be interested? If so, have them send me an email at laura.fleetwoodATsbcglobal.net (I did not use the @ so spammers can’t pick up my email) and include their resume along with a few words about why they want this position. I am praying for just the right person. Thank you for your help!