Day 28: Pay it Forward
Thank you for all the prayers. I feel them and love you all. I spoke to my doctor today, and she wants me stick this out. The symptoms could last for awhile, so I'm trying to be easy on myself and not freak out. As a dear friend reminded me today, this, too, shall...
Day 27: Prayers Needed
I'll explain later, but tonight I just really need your prayers. My doctor is SLOWLY tapering me off one of my meds and the nasty discontinuation symptoms hit tonight. I always give up at this point and go back up to the previous dose. I really want to try to stick it...
The Intervention Part I (My Sister’s Perspective)
Today's post is about my Intervention. It was last March, and the ferocious anxiety had returned - exactly one year from the time it started. I was simply surviving, once again, and obsessed with finding a magic cure. The more I researched and the more I tried, the...
Day 25: Life Is Not An Emergency
It's been a weekend of laughter and tears. Of resting and playing. Of grief and joy. Reminiscing with dear friends whose faces we missed for years. Sitting with Justin to tell our girls their dearly loved Misty would go to the vet and not come home. Holding them as...
Day 24: Divine Chaos
Crunchy leaves swirl wildly in the vortex. I stand mesmerized each time I see them spin. Where is this unseen, whirling wind and how do the leaves always find it? My life is like these leaves. One minute gently floating and the next spinning out of control. As the...
Day 23: A Piece of the Puzzle
When dealing with anxiety and depression, it's critical to have a doctor you trust. I was connected to my first psychiatrist through the outpatient therapy program I attended. He was a staff doctor. And after completing the program, I continued to see him because it...
Day 22: Let’s Talk About Meds, Baby
To medicate or not to medicate? That is the question. Before I get started, please read my big, fat, important disclaimer below. I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I AM NOT GIVING MEDICAL ADVICE. NEVER TAKE MEDICATION UNLESS PRESCRIBED BY A DOCTOR YOU TRUST. NEVER GOOGLE A...
Lost and Found
August 2014. It was time to re-enter the land of the living. I attended my last session of intensive outpatient therapy, and my work leave ended. The annual off site retreat was first time I would see my colleagues from the church & school. I felt like a...
Day 20: The Unleashing
A dam has broken wide open. Words are pouring forth. Stories are unleashed. My inbox and my phone are brimming with words. Your words. You let me peer behind your mask, and I am so deeply moved. Where do we go from here? I wonder. There are so many of us,...
Day 19: I Don’t Feel Like Writing
Gray. That's my color today. I'm unmotivated, foggy-headed, and tired. It's day 19, and I don't want to write. I thought about copying and pasting an inspirational quote just to check this day off my list, but I did that yesterday. So, I'm just going to write. For 5...
Day 18: Family
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard This series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life. It is messy and truthful. For 31 days, I will share pieces of my...
Day 17: The Still Small Voice
I close my eyes and breathe. Letting go of the chaos in my mind requires a deep exhale and a shift. It's easy to talk to God, but I'm still learning to listen. When it happens, my heart stills in wonder. It's not an audible voice. More like a deep knowing from within....
Day 16: The Best Place to Scream
There was a point last spring when my therapist told me to quit reading books and sites about anxiety because I was overwhelming myself trying to find the magic cure. As research extraordinaire, I just knew I could find the one thing that would return me to...
Day 15: I Stood Up
Tonight I read yesterday's post as the opening devotion for our church's praise team and band rehearsal. It's one thing to release these words into the digital world, and another entirely to stand up in person and share them aloud. I feel more vulnerable. More real....
Will the Real Laura Please Stand Up?
I look in the mirror, yet who do I see? My mask is down and my is truth out. I write and write and write on the page, the flurry of my hand cannot keep pace with the fears and feelings set free. The little girl who kept it all in, who put on a brave face, is...
Masquerade
If I had to chose the most important lesson I learned in group therapy, it would be the day of the masks. There was a small group of us that morning - only 5 compared to the typical 8-10+. The therapist gave us a choice. We could do a more personal activity because of...
Day 12: One of Them
The intake therapist raised her eyebrows in emphasis as she issued words of caution to me that first day, "Many of these people are struggling with very serious issues," she said. "You will need to be very open and honest in that room." Reading between the...
Day 11: The Diagnosis
Outpatient Clinic, the sign read. I took a deep breath, opened the door, and resigned myself to the experience ahead. A day earlier, I had walked into a hospital and asked for help. It was now time for that help to begin. Acute outpatient program is the precise...