Anxiety
Day 20: The Unleashing

Day 20: The Unleashing

  A dam has broken wide open. Words are pouring forth. Stories are unleashed. My inbox and my phone are brimming with words. Your words. You let me peer behind your mask, and I am so deeply moved. Where do we go from here? I wonder. There are so many of us,...

Day 19: I Don’t Feel Like Writing

Day 19: I Don’t Feel Like Writing

Gray. That's my color today.  I'm unmotivated, foggy-headed, and tired. It's day 19, and I don't want to write. I thought about copying and pasting an inspirational quote just to check this day off my list, but I did that yesterday. So, I'm just going to write. For 5...

Day 18: Family

Day 18: Family

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard   This series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life.  It is messy and truthful.  For 31 days, I will share pieces of my...

Day 17: The Still Small Voice

Day 17: The Still Small Voice

I close my eyes and breathe. Letting go of the chaos in my mind requires a deep exhale and a shift. It's easy to talk to God, but I'm still learning to listen. When it happens, my heart stills in wonder. It's not an audible voice. More like a deep knowing from within....

Day 16: The Best Place to Scream

Day 16: The Best Place to Scream

  There was a point last spring when my therapist told me to quit reading books and sites about anxiety because I was overwhelming myself trying to find the magic cure. As research extraordinaire, I just knew I could find the one thing that would return me to...

Day 15: I Stood Up

Day 15: I Stood Up

Tonight I read yesterday's post as the opening devotion for our church's praise team and band rehearsal. It's one thing to release these words into the digital world, and another entirely to stand up in person and share them aloud. I feel more vulnerable. More real....

Will the Real Laura Please Stand Up?

Will the Real Laura Please Stand Up?

  I look in the mirror, yet who do I see? My mask is down and my is truth out. I write and write and write on the page, the flurry of my hand cannot keep pace with the fears and feelings set free. The little girl who kept it all in, who put on a brave face, is...

Masquerade

Masquerade

If I had to chose the most important lesson I learned in group therapy, it would be the day of the masks. There was a small group of us that morning - only 5 compared to the typical 8-10+. The therapist gave us a choice. We could do a more personal activity because of...

Day 12: One of Them

Day 12: One of Them

  The intake therapist raised her eyebrows in emphasis as she issued words of caution to me that first day, "Many of these people are struggling with very serious issues," she said. "You will need to be very open and honest in that room." Reading between the...

Day 11: The Diagnosis

Day 11: The Diagnosis

Outpatient Clinic, the sign read. I took a deep breath, opened the door, and resigned myself to the experience ahead.  A day earlier, I had walked into a hospital and asked for help. It was now time for that help to begin.  Acute outpatient program is the precise...