Well, here we are getting ready to enter my favorite season of autumn and I’ve entered a new season of being stay-at-home mom, as well. I feel like I’ve been put through the ringer over the past few months. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least. After our visit to Phoenix to see Amy, we were all set to move there in a year and then we found out that our daycare situation would no longer work out effective immediately. At that point I think I went into flight mode – you know the reaction to stress of flight or flight? I was flighting with the best of them. The thoughts in my head went something like this:
“Ok. So, I can’t have things the way I want them. I love my job and I love my family. I had things worked out perfectly, but now I don’t feel like there’s a way to have the girls cared for like I want. Am I ready to quit my job? No! Do I want someone else to care for the girls? No! Ok. So maybe I could stay at home, but could we afford it? No! Ok, well what’s the quick fix? Hmmm. Well, we could put our house on the market and move near Sarah and Nora. Yeah, that’s it! We’ll get a cheaper house, I’ll be with two of my sisters and I can run away from all the emotions and stress of the current situation. It will be a fresh start right?!? Ok. Go!
And that’s how it happened…basically. There were actually discussions with Justin and he agreed that it would be great to live next to family, but for the most part the decision was up to me. It took me 2 months to resign. I just kept thinking that there could be a way to make it all work. After all, I can fix anything, right? Actually, I was hoping that our house would sell and I wouldn’t have to actually resign. It would make everything seem so much nicer if I just said, “We’re moving to be closer to family.” Apparently God had different plans in mind.
After having our house on the market for almost 3 months I had enough. I had resigned from my job after many tears and couldn’t face the thought of having any more showings. Suddenly being broke didn’t seem so bad. Plenty of other people have made it work on one income, right? Yes, we could do this…we took the house off the market.
And so we have jumped in feet first. After all the anxiety, I have to say that I finally feel completely at peace with our situations. Today was the first day of being a “work at home” mom and it was the best of the best. No constant worrying about what needed to be done at work. No worrying about keeping the house clean for a showing. We lived in the moment and it was wonderful.
I know it’s not going to be easy, but I also know it’s right. This is the time for me to get my priorities straight and I have a lot of work to do, but I’m embracing it with open arms and can’t wait to see what God has in store next!
