I’ve often felt as though I have a split-personality. The perfectionist, high-achiever on the outside and the disatisfied, always-yearning-to-be-someone-else on the inside. It’s not unique to me, this tension of good & bad that is constantly at war within each of us, but maybe I’m more sensitive to it than others. At any rate, I feel like the mythical pixy is a great representation of that tension in my life.
From Peter Pan “Tink was not all bad; or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change.”
It’s exhausting to feel as though you can’t let people see who you really are inside. To privately have thoughts, desires, and experiences that are at odds with your public persona or who you think you should be. Sometimes I wish I could be like the fairies described in Peter Pan – to be either ALL good, or ALL bad, instead of this limbo that exists somewhere in the middle. Saint and sinner all at the same time – in Christ, that’s who we are. No matter how hard we try to be good, we fail. No matter how much we sin, we’re forgiven and made perfect in God’s eyes. It’s the miracle of grace, but it also accounts for the frustrations of living every-day life as a Christian in a sinful world.
We’re all struggling to make the most of life. To do the best with cards we’ve been dealt. My dad tells me that all myths are firmly rooted in truth. The mythical pixy is how I see myself – I’ve always related to the Tinkerbell character in Peter Pan. A mischievous creature with the outward appearance of an angel. She makes some bad decisions and some good decisions, but in the end all is well. It’s the ying and the yang of life. Pixy Mom is my outlet for expressing my every day trials and triumphs. Enjoy!
