Day 29: Radical Trust

In group therapy, the concept of Radical Acceptance was introduced. It’s this nice idea that we should accept whatever has happened or is happening rather than fighting it or judging it to be good or bad. Think zen to the highest degree. I’ve tried radical acceptance and failed miserably. However, I’d like to introduce the idea of Radical Trust – not in myself or any man-made thing, but in the only One who deserves such trust. The One True God.

A friend emailed me this verse today, and it was a much needed reminder of where my trust needs to be:  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5

Read that last phrase again: We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

Did you know that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones? Fear is just a thought. That’s all it is, yet it has enormous impact on our bodies. Now imagine fear doing all that negative work PLUS a wonky brain from recent medicine changes. That’s where I was this afternoon when I read 2 Corinthians 10:5.

I don’t have much control over much in this world. I definitely can’t control how my body reacts to medicine. But I CAN control my thoughts. I can take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. The Bible tells me I can.

So here’s what I’ve been doing since I read that verse. Every time my mind wants to worry about how I’m feeling…or how long this yuckiness will last…or whether I’m going spiral further downward…or whether I’ll have to feel like this EVERY TIME I decrease a medicine… or whether I’ll be able to make it to Anna’s party tomorrow… or whether I’ll ever get off this medicine or whether…you get the idea. As soon as a FEARFUL thought enters my mind, I’m TAKING IT CAPTIVE and handing it over to Christ. Literally, in my mind, I snatch it and give it to Jesus. And then I tell myself. I trust you, Jesus. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you.

If God is who He says He is, I can trust Him. Not just with the big stuff, but the everyday fears and worries. Yes, even my messy medicine tapers. If I TRULY believe Jesus walked this earth and loved me enough to take my place on a cross and that He rose from the dead, then I have to be able to believe He loves me enough to help me make it through this current trial.

On my own, it’s impossible to take every thought captive, I know this. So, I ask Jesus to help me.

Take this fearful thought, Lord. I trust you. Take the what-ifs and should-haves and could-haves. I give them to you. Again, and again, and again. I trust YOU. I love you. 

This afternoon, I received the gift of listening to my youngest daughter belt out the song Jesus, Only Jesus by Matt Redman in our church sanctuary. Her beautiful, sweet, solo voice sang these words right into my soul:

Who has the power to raise the dead?
Who can save us from our sin?
He is our hope, our righteousness
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can make the blind to see?
Who holds the keys that set us free?
He paid it all to bring us peace
Jesus, only Jesus

Holy, King almighty Lord
Saints and angels all adore
I join with them and bow before
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can command the highest praise?
Who has the name above all names?
You stand alone, I stand amazed
Jesus, only Jesus

Jesus. Only Jesus. That’s Radical Trust, ya’ll. If the only way out is through, then Radical Trust in the healing power of Jesus is the only way I’m making it. I think it’s time for a Radical Trust revolution, don’t you? I believe it would look something like this.

Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus. Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus.  Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus.

He is the Almighty One. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. Through Him all things were made. He is All Knowing, All Powerful, Omni-Present. He is BIGGER THAN MY FEARS. He is WORTHY OF MY TRUST.  He STANDS ALONE, I STAND AMAZED, Jesus, only Jesus.

Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus. Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus.  Snatch…Hand it over…I trust you, Jesus.

P.S. Please remind me that I wrote this tomorrow when I forget, ok?

This series is not a tidy story of a fairy tale life.  It is messy and truthful.  For 31 days, I will share pieces of my journey, practical coping techniques for dealing with anxiety, spiritual insights, emotional struggles, and a whole lot of other.  I will likely  jump from here to there as the Spirit leads.  I invite you along as I share my experience, my strength, and my hope. Thank you for being part of this journey with me.  Together, we shall seek the still.