I Once Was Lost

I Once Was Lost

It was one of those days.

  A day where my anxiety reigned and shrouded me with it’s dark veil. This thing called anxiety had barreled into my life over the past year, and I was still waiting for rescue. I barely made it through each day as a wife, mom of two, and Director of Communications at my church.  

During this dark time, I often felt suffocated and paralyzed.

  Like I was living under water and struggling to make my way to the surface for a breath of air. When panic overcame me at work, I sought refuge in the only place I had privacy – the back of my van. I curled up on the folded seats. I prayed. I meditated. I breathed. I did anything that might calm the surge of adrenaline coursing through my body and irrational thoughts in my mind. If close my eyes, I still see myself laying there in isolation, desperate for saving. I cried, I raged, and I prayed.  

I felt alone. So very alone.

  Outside the van, kids were running around at recess. Happy and carefree, they paraded by, unaware that a shell of a woman was lying on her back just feet away, praying for the pain to stop and for the strength to rise. Then I heard it. A knock on my back window. Sitting up, I saw a friend and co-worker. Her face pressed up against the tinted glass, searching for me curled inside.  

“I’ve been looking for you,” she said as I opened the hatch.

  Climbing inside, she sat cross legged with me – two grown women finding respite from the world in an unlikely place – the back of a mini-van. My friend acted like it was the most natural thing to sit there with me. I talked about my fears, and she listened. Her presence calmed me. She didn’t have answers, but she was there – she came to find me, to listen, and that was enough to get me through another day. I wonder if you have that same tendency to retreat when the world just seems to be too much? Do you hide away and try to go it alone?  

Messy Miracle, there is Someone knocking, waiting for you to open the door and let Him in.

  Jesus, too, says, “I’ve been looking for you.” When I was young, I was fascinated by a painting of Jesus knocking on a door. It was so interesting because there was no knob on the exterior of that door – it could only be opened from the inside. Revelation 3:20 says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” Jesus will come looking for you no matter where you are, what you’re feeling, or what you’ve done. Scripture tells us that as our Good Shepherd, He will leave the 99 to look for the one. That one is you. He will peer through the window in the door of your heart and wait as long as it takes for you to let Him in. It’s as simple as word, a whisper, a silent prayer. “Come, Lord Jesus.” And when He enters in that most unlikely place, you won’t be lost anymore. XOXOXO, Laura  
The Whisper in the Leaves

The Whisper in the Leaves

Crunchy leaves swirl wildly in the vortex.

I stand mesmerized each time I see them spin. Where is this unseen, whirling wind and how do the leaves always find it? My life is like these leaves. One minute gently floating and the next spinning out of control.

As the autumn leaves dance and fall, my soul stirs and stills. Something in this season grants permission to enjoy the chaos I see. If anything else spilled from the sky, collected everywhere, hid the familiar, calamity would strike.

But these beautiful, dead leaves bring peace and knowing. They fall chaotic, yes, but there is divine order in their very being. They remind that the earth is ushering in a deep sleep.

A time of rest and restoration is on its way.

In my life, too, I feel the chaos. The dreams I once held, the person I used to be, the masks I once wore are no more. They swirled away in a vortex of change. My soul is like the last leaf that clings to the tree. You know the one? I always notice those lone beauties. The others let go, set themselves free, and trust the divine wind to carry them.

Oh how I want to do that. To trust God’s control and let His whirling Spirit send me on a divine dance. I know He can. Why am I still here clinging?

I close my eyes and breathe. Letting go of the chaos in my mind requires a deep exhale and a shift.

It’s easy to talk to God, but I’m still learning to listen.

When it happens, my heart stills in wonder. It’s not an audible voice. More like a deep knowing from within. And peace. Lots of peace.

In Old Testament Bible days people literally heard the voice of God out loud. Then God spoke through the prophets. When the time was right, He spoke through His Son. And now He speaks within. As I watch the leaves spin, He speaks.

What do you have for me today, Lord? I’m listening. I’ve set down my agenda and laid my fears at your feet. Help be open to your spirit. Please tell me.

I listen. I close my eyes and hold a vision of Jesus in my mind. I set my pen on the paper and write what I hear Him saying to me.

Did I really hear Him? I believe so.

The messages that came from my pen were words of hope, complete opposite of the fearful voice that filled my head.

“You are closer to healing than you think.
I will give you the strength you need to carry on.
It may not always be comfortable, but it will always be doable with me.
Do not doubt me or you will be like a wave tossed on the wind.
Let go and trust me. You will be healed.
Don’t fight the fear, give it to me instead.
Rejoice always!”

Be Still,
Laura

Continue the story…

 

One of Them

One of Them

I am one of them.

The intake therapist raised her eyebrows in emphasis as she issued words of caution to me that first day, “Many of these people are struggling with very serious issues,” she said. “You will need to be open and honest in that room.” Reading between the lines, I caught the meaning of her warning. My life experience is not as horrific as others. I’ve had an easy life.  The voice in my head began to say, I don’t belong here.

Then a still, small voice rose within.

You DO belong here. You are at a crossroad.  These moments matter.  Don’t waste a chance to grow by falling into the comparison pit. Your journey matters. You matter. Everyone is just doing the best they can.

The therapist was right, but so was the small voice within  As I sat in that room and heard the suffering of those around me, it was overwhelming.  So many hurting people. So much abuse. So much horror. So much running. So much pain. And in the middle of it all, I belonged there. I did. My triggering event wasn’t newsworthy, but it had unleashed fear and emotions that had long been buried deep. I was broken. I was one of them.

Group therapy was strange at first. It was a hodge-podge of people from every walk of life finding common ground in rock bottom of some form or another. For the purpose of my writing, I will refer to my fellow journeyers as students rather than patients.

The difference seems important somehow.

The students entered the room each day, scouting out the best chairs and sitting down to complete the obligatory mood questionnaire. The same questions were listed.  Rank your level of anxiety, depression, fear, helplessness, sadness… How many hours of sleep did you get? Medication changes? Scary thoughts? Ideas for harming yourself? Do you want to see the doctor? What is your goal for the day?

The therapist on duty silently read the completed forms to determine which student might need to begin and then something curious happened. Complete strangers began sharing the most intimate details of their lives right there in the open for all to see. It was never the same group of people from day to day, and it sometimes wasn’t even the same therapist. We were encouraged to ask questions of one another and comment on what we heard.

Thinking back, it seems absurd that a group of complete strangers in the darkest hours of their life became one another’s community. But that is what happened even though our paths would likely never cross again.

 
What if it didn’t take a rock bottom experience to bring people together?

What if we sat at one another’s feet instead of a table and spilled all the fear and darkness and pain? What if this happened in our living rooms and kitchens and school pick-up lines rather than in a hospital or a clinic? What would that require?

Let’s start here, in this space. On this journey. Together.

Be Still,
Laura

Continue the story…

 

You’re Invited

You’re Invited

It was supposed to be so beautiful, this story of mine.

A fairy tale, really.  It certainly wasn’t supposed to involve an emotional and physical breakdown and a trip to a hospital for anxiety and exhaustion. Certainly not that.

And yet, my story is sacred ground.  For when my life fell apart, I began to learn what Seeking The Still really means.

In the middle of the storm…be still.
When you don’t know what tomorrow will bring…be still.
In the glow of majestic sunsets…be still.
On your knees…be still.
On the mountain top…be still.
In the pain and panic and uncertainty…be still.
Between inhale and exhale…be still.
In a loving embrace…be still.
No, this journey will not be a tidy story of a fairy tale life.  It will be messy, and it will be truthful.

And you, darling, are invited to journey with me.
You know who you are.

You are the brokenhearted. You are the survivors. You are the lonely and confused.  You are the wise.  You are the caregivers.  You are the loved ones.  You know there is more than the visible.  You have won, and you have lost.  You have been a warrior on the arena floor, bloodied, bruised, and broken. When I look into your eyes, I know that you know.  You know the pain.  You know the fear.  You are a fellow seeker, dear one.

You know that beauty rises from ashes.  You know that unlearning is necessary for growth.  You are not content to get by in this world.  You want more.  You love well.  You want to raise your hands in worship.  You want to breathe the breath of life. You seek the truth and know it will set you free. 

You and me, the seekers of the still. We’re in this together.  

We will walk side by side through the darkness and dance with joy in the light.  Brave is what you are.  You are brave to get curious about your feelings. You are brave to go deeper.  You are brave to shed the weight of this world.  You are brave to give up the control. To surrender.  You know the divine is everywhere, in everything, and in everyone.

Seeking the still is for you.  It is for me.  Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  Freedom comes with every word. 

Be Still,
Laura

Continue the story here…

Gift Guide: 8 Unique Gifts That Matter

Gift Guide: 8 Unique Gifts That Matter

 

 

Tired of giving gifts that end up hidden in a closet or boxed in the basement?

Me, too!

I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open for the best, most unique gifts that say…”You matter.” They are also gifts that are meaningful because of the individuals and organizations they support. If there are people in your life who crave stillness in the midst of life’s chaos, you can’t go wrong with any of these items. Not to mention, they are beautiful and lovely and thoughtful.

No affiliate links here…simply sharing the things I love and want you to know about!

The 2017 Seeking The Still Gift Guide

1. WRITE THE WORD JOURNAL BY LARA CASEY

 

 

It’s no secret that I love to write. One day I was looking for a journal that had Bible Verses for reflection and blank spaces to write thoughts/prayers/gratitude. This journal is the best! It’s gorgeous, and the verses are thoughtfully chosen with lots of space to write. Perfect for both new and seasoned journalers. This is one of the best ways I’ve found to get the stressful, worried thoughts out of my head and into God’s hands.
The Cultivate What Matters Shop has some other great gift ideas, too.

2. HAND-MADE CARDS BY TICKLED INK CRAFTERS

 

Nothing about crafting sounds fun to me, because I’m a shopping kind of gal!  However, I DO appreciate hand-made cards and the crafts that other people make! I know a fun-loving group of sassy ladies call themselves Tickled Ink Crafters and they make personalized, hand-made cards for you! They even have a writer on their team who creates custom verses for the interior of the card that are fun and special. Just click on Request A Custom order from their Etsy page.
Shop The Tickled Ink Esty store.

3. BARE NAKED TRUTHS: Stripping away the lies that derail your destiny

I was blessed to sit next to Kristin Bonin at a conference. We discovered that both have girls. We both love Jesus. And we both have journeyed through seasons where we believed the lies the world loves to throw at us. Kristin just published a wonderful 30 day devotional that gently, but firmly opens your eyes to who the truth of who you are and the destiny that is yours if you’ll reach out to claim it.! This book is a treasure and must-read for women and teen girls.
Learn more on Amazon.

4. WEIGHTED BLANKET BY WEIGHTING COMFORTS

 

My most severe anxiety symptom is insomnia. I take medication for it, because it cripples me. These weighted blankets work! Weighted blankets are commonly used in the autism community AND, they also provide comfort to the average person in a time of stress, depression or anxiety. The thing I love about this company is that the blankets are BEAUTIFUL, COZY, and they partner with Sew for Hope. This non-profit teaches resettled refugees how to sew, providing them with an extremely marketable skill for the work force. Weighting Comforts employs refugees from Iraq, Syria, and Palestine. Their seamstresses now have income to send home to their families overseas or purchase homes and provide for their families stateside.
View the soft colors and learn the story behind this company!

5. GRAHAM’S FINE CHOCOLATE

 

This family-owned business makes the best chocolate you’ve ever tasted and they make it with exquisite and with LOVE. They ship everywhere and support many people and organizations with the fruits of their successful business. The small sampler pack makes an amazing Christmas gift for employees, teachers, etcc.
See Graham’s Chocolate For Yourself!

6. SURRENDER CROSSES BY RAD JOY

 

I am in LOVE with my surrender cross. The nails actually come out, so you can write a prayer or something you need to surrender to God. You fold it and the nail holds it in place on the cross as a constant reminder that the place for our worries and fears is on the cross of Jesus. The hand-crafted crosses are heirloom quality and this family’s story is so inspirational.
AND they are offering Seeking The Still readers 15% off through December 14 with the code seekingthestill15
Their gorgeous inventory is going fast, so take a look soon.

7. BIG AND LITTLE COLORING DEVOTIONAL FOR PARENTS AND KIDS

 

 

Coloring used to be a solo activity, but not any more! I love this book because it’s designed to be used by adults and kids TOGETHER! One side is a picture for kids to color. The other side is a short devotion and gorgeous image for adults to color. So, not only do you get one-on-one time with your child, but you get God’s word and conversation starters, too. Priceless!
See the reviews and preview the pages!

8. IMMANUEL CHRISTMAS ALBUM BY MELANIE PEN

I love Christmas music. I love new artists. I love the indie pop, folk rock, and alternative country style of music. I love hearing the story of Christmas through new eyes and in new ways. This album has it all! Melanie’s voice is soothing and pure. These songs help you see Christmas through a new lens. The album can be found everywhere you listen to your music!
Listen to Melanie’s Gorgeous Music!

I hope these gift ideas help you choose wisely this Christmas season! Purchasing gifts with intention and heart always feels good.

BE STILL,
LAURA

 

 

To My Friend Feeling Overwhelmed: You Are Not Losing Your Mind

To My Friend Feeling Overwhelmed: You Are Not Losing Your Mind

You’re at a crossroad. Life feels as though it’s spinning out of control and you hate that feeling. You can’t count on yourself anymore. Things that used to be easy (and even fun) now feel like heavy burdens. Some days you don’t even want to get out bed.

You gently landed on this page for a reason. I think you need to hear what I have to say. Because I’ve been there. I stood at that crossroad. And I found help when I needed it most.

ASKING FOR HELP IS BRAVE & BIBLICAL
Take one look at scripture and you’ll notice that God worked through humans all the time. He didn’t HAVE to, but He did. And He still does today. There are many ways for you to receive help with anxiety through people that God has uniquely placed in your path. Here are the ones I’ve used in my own journey. I proudly call them “my team” and I’m certain they were heaven-sent to be God’s help in my life.

Psychiatrists: a medical doctor specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness (can prescribe medication).

Psychologists: a specialist in mental processes and behavior (does not prescribe medication).

Counselors: a person trained to give guidance on personal, social, or psychological problems.

Inpatient and/or outpatient treatment programs: intensive care consisting of medical, psychological help as well as counseling.

Naturopathy: a distinct primary health care profession, emphasizing prevention, treatment, and optimal health through the use of therapeutic methods and substances that encourage individuals’ inherent self-healing

Support groups: Often free, these are groups of people struggling with similar situations who can walk with you and share resources. Check out Fearless Women.

Let people help you. Start building your team, knowing that Jesus is owner, provider, and source of their help.

 

REACH OUT YOUR HAND,
MESSY MIRACLE

There is hope  +  You are not alone

 

Help Your Tween Daughter Share Her Anxious Thoughts

Help Your Tween Daughter Share Her Anxious Thoughts

Can you and your daughter relate to this?

At age 11, I was terrified my mother had alzheimer’s. I worried constantly that my father would die of a heart attack. And I obsessed about my 5th grade teacher discovering that I misplaced a class library book.

Your tween daughter worries about a lot of things, too. Perhaps you only notice the moodiness and short temper, but underneath the emotions there is likely a complex web of worry.

And scarier than the thoughts themselves, is the idea of sharing them with anyone. Even with you…her mom.

I never shared my fears with anyone.

Ever.

I stuffed them in the closet of my mind until I could no longer shut the door at the age of 37.

That’s not what I want for my daughters. And trust me, neither do you.

I’ve now learned the importance of giving voice to the fears in my head (regardless of how irrational) and I model this new-found freedom for my girls. Not only has our relationship grown closer, but they tell me everything! Even the things I’d rather not know:)

You can have a healthy relationship with your tween daughter, too. Here’s how.

    1. Be honest about your own fears.The trick to this is knowing the threshold your daughter can handle. Start by nonchalantly telling her about a scary dream. Make a point of including the feelings in your body when you woke up and how it felt so very real.Your daughter needs to know that you understand fear. That you struggle with it, too. Sharing a bit of your own worries will allow her open up about hers.
    2. Listen. Don’t try to fix her. When your daughter does talk about her anxiety, resist the urge to fix it right away. Instead, be comforting. Give her a gentle hug. Often, words aren’t even necessary. Simply tell her that you are glad she shared. Let her know that you love her and that you are always there for her. Don’t minimize or dismiss her fears. The goal is to keep her talking, not make her feel guilty that her worries don’t make sense (and often they don’t).Verbalizing a fear is difficult. Reassure your daughter by your actions and your body language (open and intent) that you won’t over-react.

    3. Notice the best time of day to share. My daughters are most willing to talk right after school and immediately before bed. Watch for the times your girl is most chatty and be intentional about clearing your schedule to be available (in your heart and in your head) during those times.That means putting down the phone, looking into her beautiful eyes, and giving her your full attention.  

The connection between mother and daughter deserves our attention.

As our daughters get older, their struggles and worries get bigger. Cultivating a habit of open communication is one of the most valuable gifts you’ll ever give.

I became the mom that my daughters needed only after experiencing a physical and emotional breakdown. Thankfully, you don’t need a traumatic event to foster love and connection with your tween.

To help you, I wrote this 60 Second Guide to Building Trust with Your Daughter.

By the way, my mom and dad are alive and well. My 5th grade teacher DID realize the book was gone, but I never confessed to being the culprit.

And I ended up being ok. So will your daughter! But the journey is so much better when you walk it side by side.

Be Still,
Laura

Landing gently in your inbox to give you HOPE.

Be Still,

 

 

7 Encouraging Things Christians with Anxiety Need to Know

7 Encouraging Things Christians with Anxiety Need to Know

Whether you believe in God or not, anxiety is still a beast. It consumes minds and bodies of kids and adults like never before. One third of all absences from work are due to anxiety and stress, and we know that relationships and long-term health also suffer. Anxiety wasn’t supposed to be part of my story, but it is. As a Christian and a church worker diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, I’ve learned both practical and spiritual things about anxiety that are worth sharing with those who struggle with worry, stress & fear.

On the outside, I was lovely. Strong. Capable. Gifted.

On the inside, I was slowly dissolving to pieces. And nobody knew. Not even me.

 

That’s the thing about anxiety. It charades as a sneaky thief.

I planned for the worst to be prepared.
I was “wise.”

I strove for perfection in parenting, in relationships, at work, in acts of service.
I was “valuable.”

I kept my promises and over-delivered
I was “respected.”

There’s nothing wrong with these characteristics, but they are markers for a mind that is busy, a body that is weary, and a soul that is striving.

A human being cannot live this way forever. Something will eventually break.

And that’s what happened to me at the age of 37. I broke. I found myself frozen in a chair at country club where I was in charge of a large fundraiser. I hadn’t slept for days. I was nauseous constantly. My mind raced with to-dos and what-ifs and should’ve, could’ve, would’ves. The room bustled with activity and I (the girl with the golden touch) shattered into a million pieces.

 

It was both the most devastating and the most incredible thing to ever happen to me.

Nobody knew what to do with this new, broken version of Laura. Least of all, me. I was the one who fixed things and took care of others. I had traveled the world and climbed the corporate ladder. I was raising two beautiful daughters. I counseled people, shifted my career to the non-profit world and currently worked at a church. Yet now I was screaming of fear in my bed and having panic attacks on the bathroom floor.

And I was a Christian. Wasn’t I supposed to have peace that surpasses all understanding? Lay my burdens down at Christ’s feet? Be still and know that He is God?

Where was God in this battle and how could I reconcile these fears with the power of His Promises?

There’s not a simple answer, but there are several encouraging truths that I want you to know.

  1. IT’S NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD
    Anxiety becomes a physical illness as much as emotional, spiritual, and mental. When we stress or worry and don’t give our body the physical and mental rest it needs to recover, there are dozens of very real, physical responses that occur in our body. The effects of these responses (like insomnia, nausea, racing thoughts, shaking, etc) often cause us even more anxiety and a vicious cycle begins.The good news is that early recognition, intervention and even medication are helpful options (provided by God) for managing anxiety and helping our bodies recover from stressful symptoms. There is no shame in seeking counsel of a pastor, loved-one, doctor and/or taking medication. In fact, the sooner you seek help, the easier it is to feel the positive impact.


2. ASKING FOR HELP IS BRAVE & BIBLICAL
Take one look at scripture and you’ll notice that God worked through humans all the time. He didn’t HAVE to, but He did. And He still does today. There are many ways for you to receive help with anxiety through people that God has uniquely placed in your path. Here are the ones I’ve used in my own journey. I proudly call them “my team” and I’m certain they were heaven-sent to be God’s help in my life.

Psychiatrists: a medical doctor specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness (can prescribe medication).

Psychologists: a specialist in mental processes and behavior (does not prescribe medication).

Counselors: a person trained to give guidance on personal, social, or psychological problems.

Inpatient and/or outpatient treatment programs: intensive care consisting of medical, psychological help as well as counseling.

Naturopathy: a distinct primary health care profession, emphasizing prevention, treatment, and optimal health through the use of therapeutic methods and substances that encourage individuals’ inherent self-healing

Support groups: Often free, these are groups of people struggling with similar situations who can walk with you and share resources. Check out Fearless Women.

Let people help you. Start building your team, knowing that Jesus is owner, provider, and source of their help.

3. GOD’S WORD IS NOT A MAGIC WAND FOR SUFFERING
The Word of God is alive and active. We know this. While the Truth of Scripture is real, God never promises to magically remove our suffering. In fact, Jesus tells us that “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33).

It is confusing, I know. It’s helpful for me to focus on God’s promises and not equate them to outcomes I have pre-determined in my mind. God works the good even when it’s not the way we desire. On that, you can firmly depend.

4. PRAYER IS ABOUT RELATIONSHIP, NOT RESULTS
I used to get frustrated when I prayed for my anxiety to go away or when other people prayed for me because it didn’t always seem to work! And then I realized that I was praying “upstream” instead of “downstream.” When I began visualizing God’s presence in my life as a river flowing from the highest mountain and His Will washing down over my life, my prayer life changed. I realized that being connected to the person of Jesus and what He was already doing in my life was what mattered. Anything else was me spending useless energy trying paddle upstream.

5. EMOTIONS ARE NOT BAD
I come from a long line of stoic, German Lutherans. In my family, we always try to do the right thing, keep our emotions in check and quickly move on to the next challenge to be tackled. I call it overdrive. I’m also the first-born of four girls which brings it’s own set of responsibilities and unspoken rules. So, essentially, I spent 37 years of my life stuffing negative emotions. And guess what? They eventually ALL came spewing out over my life and my loved ones. Anger, sadness, grief, and fear are not bad. They are human responses to the pain of this world. Allow yourself to fully feel those emotions. Jesus did. Let them wash over you and then release them in Christ’s loving hands.

6. YOU ARE NOT THE HERO OF YOUR STORY (and this is a good thing)!
Much anxiety stems from trying to be in control of what happens in our lives and in the lives of others. At the beginning of my breakdown, I thought if I just read the right book, prayed the right prayer, found the right meditation, or took the right herb, my problems would cease. I had this idea about what healing should look like for me. After a year of chasing one magic cure after another, I finally laid down in the middle of my living room floor and gave up. I didn’t give up on life or hope, I gave up my control.

We can ONLY do the next right thing. That’s it. We can’t plan our future. We can’t erase our past. We can do everything right and still not get what we want. However, we can simply do the next right thing in love and trust God with the outcome. That’s true peace. That is divine surrender.

7. JESUS IS THE HERO OF YOUR STORY
You are NOT the Hero of your story, darling. No, you are the wanderer, the broken. You are UNABLE to work your way out of your life’s web of hurt, pain, lies and heartache. It’s true. You are the one who needs to be rescued. Oh, how your soul longs to be rescued! Christ, the true Hero sees you here, hurting. And He is so good and so true and so full of light and love that He cannot bear to leave even one broken soul separated from Him. Not one. Not you. This Hero doesn’t do what you expect. He does not flex His muscles or call in an army. No, the Hero does something much more radical. Something so shocking, so undeserved.

The Hero takes your place.

So please don’t be ashamed of your anxiety or fears. When God says “Do not fear,” 365 times in the Bible, it is not a command to be obeyed. Rather, it is the assuring words of a Father comforting His child. The Hero has already made a way for you. Just do the next right thing. Whatever that may be. And watch how your Hero makes a way for you to seek the still. Maybe…just maybe, this new dependance on Him will be the best thing to ever happen to you, too.

Be Still,

 

Hold Me Fast

Hold Me Fast

Today’s post comes from Glenna Marshall. Glenna has been playing the piano since the age of seven and writing songs since the age of sixteen. Her music comes from hard places, but because of God’s faithfulness much good comes from the brokenness.

It was all my husband’s idea.
Or, that’s what I tell myself while I push down the memories of that weekend in college when a couple of friends took a road trip with me to Nashville where we toured a university geared toward musicians and I contemplated a transfer. Too scared to make a statement with that kind of change, I stayed where I was and pursued my creative writing degree.

So no, I guess it wasn’t always just my husband’s idea to launch me into a “carobby” (which is my made-up word for the creative conglomeration of career + hobby). The seeds were planted long ago when I was writing songs in the insulated piano closets at my university. But, for nearly fourteen years of marriage, my husband has patiently urged me to do the thing I’m most scared to do.

So, I cut an album, to use the professional vernacular. And I feel weird and a little on edge even wording it that way, although that’s exactly what I did.

It took nearly two years from start to finish because my producer was freelancing for me, we adopted our second child, my mother had brain surgery, and I was coming to terms with a chronic illness. Messy, all of it, and during the recording process I felt like I didn’t have a whole lot to offer to the world. And what I did have to offer was mine.

Like many Christian creatives, I struggle to hand over my art, and truthfully, to even call it “art.” The sacred, personal nature of what God teaches us in the quiet moments at the piano or the sequestered corner of the coffee shop with our open journals lends itself to privacy. Creating requires me to send down an empty bucket into the depths of past suffering and present trials, and to pour out the contents repeatedly.

What God desires me to share are the truths learned about Him when I sink into His Word during painful seasons.

I know why. It’s so I can comfort others with the same comfort I have received from God.(2 Cor. 1:4) But when I click the button that launches into the online world a song I wrote because I couldn’t quite believe God loved me last year, I feel inadequate—an impostor who is pretending to be something she’s really, really not.

Here’s the truth, though: God gave us creative gifts to point others to Him, the only real creator. What we do as musicians, writers, artists, speakers is a shadow of what the author of life has done. Our offerings to the world are acts of mimicry, and that’s a good thing. We obey by stewarding well the gifts God has given us, and we glorify Him when another person is encouraged to love Him more deeply.

If my goal is to make Christ known, then it is perfectly fine to surrender my frayed, tattered offerings to the world toward that end.

God is particularly good at making something from nothing.

 

To check out Glenna’s new album release, click here!

For when my life crumbled, I learned what “Be Still” really means.
And I want you to know, too.

 

Come Out of Hiding

Come Out of Hiding

If you’ve missed parts 1 and 2 of our UNDERCOVER MESS series, you can check them out here:

Part 1: Ladies, We’ve Got A Problem

Part 2: Abundant Life and Abundant HOPE

We’ve talked about the pressure to measure up, and the freedom Jesus wants us to walk in. Those truths are not only great, but life-changing! Here are practical steps to guide you on your journey towards coming out of hiding and learning to dance.

T – TELL YOUR TEAM

I know life often feels lonely. Maybe you’re like me, and you spend a lot of time thinking in your head. I often feel like I’m “supposed” to figure things out on my own. Let me tell you right now that is not true! God made us to be in relationship with Him and with others. He tells us that’s the way life works best. So the very first thing on my Action list when I start to feel myself sliding into undercover mess mode is to tell my team. Yes, you have a team!

Always remember that the very first person on your team is Jesus. He is your biggest cheerleader. Your biggest fan. And he happens to hold the entire world in His hands. Pretty great person to own your team, right?  So, Jesus is the owner. Everyone else on your team works for him. Members of my team include my husband, daughters, sisters, parents, friends, therapist, doctors, and pastor. I obviously require a really big team!

W – WORK TOGETHER

This is so helpful because it takes all the pressure of you to figure life out! A few weeks ago, when I was feeling anxious, I started Googling my symptoms to try to figure out what was going on. That made it so much worse! Then I remembered that this is why God gave me a team. I called my sister and she offered to help me with meals for the week. I met with my doctor and she made some changes to my medication. My daughters wrote me encouraging notes and gave me lots of hugs. I had many people praying for me. And I knew that Jesus, the owner of my team, was the one working through all of them to help me.

Yes, Jesus works through people. So listen close now. Sometimes you will feel like you have to do everything on your own. This is not true, but we’re messy miracles and it’s easy for us to forget. That’s why the next step is so important.

I – INDULGE IN GOD’S WORD

What if I told you that there was an instruction manual for life that had the answer to every worry, every fear, and every stress in your life? I bet you’d want it read it! So, there’s good news! The God who created this world. Who created life. Who created you. The God who knows the answer to every problem and prayer, He wrote you a love letter. He used other Messy Miracles to actually write it on paper, but make no mistake, He moved the pen in their hands. And every word and story in this love letter whispers the name of Jesus.

So, Indulge in God’s word! Don’t just read it with your head, read it with your heart. Soak it up and soak it in. Read the very words he said and imagine that He is saying them just to you.

R – REST

When’s the last time you rested? Body, mind AND soul. I think we often misunderstand the meaning of rest. We think just because we got a full night’s sleep that we’re rested. But a busy mind takes up just as much energy as busy legs. And a restless soul saps us even more. Yet so many of us have conditioned ourselves to under-prioritize the type of life giving rest that God prescribes.

I like to think about rest not as something to check off my list, but rather as an important part of the rhythm of life. Daily rhythm. Weekly rhythm and seasonal rhythm. In today’s world we need to be conscious and purposeful about scheduling our rest. Every project plan, every to-do list that you have, should also include an intentional time of rest.

L – LEAVE THE OUTCOME TO GOD

The final step in coming out of hiding from being an undercover mess is to leave the outcome to God. What outcome, you might ask? ALL outcomes. We really like to think we’re in control. We’re even taught that in many cases. Study hard and you’ll get good grades. Work hard and you’ll be respected. Practice hard and you’ll make the team. It is true that it’s good to study, work and practice but there’s no guarantee about the outcome. All we can do is our best and give God the rest.

I have the words Be Still tattooed on my wrist. Not necessarily as a reminder to be physically still, but more of a reminder that God is the one ultimately in control. So if I’ve done my best. If I have told my team and worked with them. If I have indulged in the word of God. If I have rested and given the outcome to God, then I can TWIRL my way through this life.

God created you to dance. He made you to run out the door and feel the wind in your face. He made your spirit to soar with joy on a springtime day. He made you to live life and have it to the full, so let’s come out of hiding and twirl together!

 

For when my life crumbled, I learned what “Be Still” really means.
And I want you to know, too.

Abundant LIFE, Abundant HOPE

Abundant LIFE, Abundant HOPE

Do you ever feel bogged down? Like your hope has been stolen. Your joy is all but dead. And your dreams are all but destroyed? I know that sounds a little dramatic, but many of us have felt those emotions in a very real way.

Stolen. Dead. Destroyed.

John 10:10 says that our enemy has come to “steal, kill, and destroy.” And we feel that pain as messy humans. Whether our hopes are dashed for a job, or we’ve lost a baby, or we’re simply so exhausted by the piles of laundry and pressure to be perfect that we go to bed numb each night.

We need a Savior from this mess.

The good news? We have one. John 10:10 doesn’t stop there.

“The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that you might have LIFE, and have it TO THE FULL.” Other translations say, “have it ABUNDANTLY.”

Jesus gives life. The life he gives right now is abundantly richer and fuller than we can image. It is eternal, yet it ALSO begins immediately. I once heard that Jesus is like a multi-faceted diamond. He gives eternal life, yes! But he also gives life here on earth and He wants us to live it to the full.

What’s the opposite of steal, kill, and destroy?

Give. Revive. And Restore.

Jesus wants to give you abundant life. He wants to revive the dead parts of your heart. He wants to restore what’s been broken. But how does he do that? We’ll tell you HOW with some practical steps in Part 3 of “UNDERCOVER MESS.”

For when my life crumbled, I learned what “Be Still” really means.
And I want you to know, too.

Ladies, We’ve Got A Problem

Ladies, We’ve Got A Problem

 

We’re all a mess.

But guess what? That’s not actually the problem. That’s just life.

The problem is we’re in hiding, covered in makeup and perfectly filtered Instagram posts, showing off our cute mug of coffee with a pile of laundry behind us, as if laundry wasn’t an okay part of life. As if all our mess, the darkest corners of our hearts, were simply not okay. What if we could own up and be real with each other. Wouldn’t that be so freeing?

But before we get to the solution, let’s identify the problem.

There are basically two reasons that we keep our messiness, our stress, our worries, and our fears hidden within ourselves.

 

Problem #1: We have unrealistic standards for ourselves.

 

We hear over and over again that we should suck it up and work harder. The world tells us to never let them see us sweat. Facebook fills our minds with images of beautiful houses, happy marriages, best friendships, and dream vacations. It looks like everyone is having a lovely life ALL the time. Filtered Instagram photos show selfies in the most flattering light, but when WE look in the mirror it reflects every wrinkle and dark spot on our skin. We’re living a real, stressful often difficult, painful life in what seems like a Pinterest Perfect world.

Let me just lay out the truth right now. There is no perfect in this world. Nobody lives up to the outward image they present. We are all a bunch of messy, sinful people no matter how gorgeous our profile picture looks. And we only cause harm to our minds, bodies, and spirits when we lie to ourselves (and others) by trying to achieve such perfection.

 

Problem #2: We think our accomplishments and our human situation define us.

 

This human life is all we know, and it’s easy to get our identity wrapped in it. But in reality, we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. This world. This life. This body is simply chapter one. Our true identity is not as a human being, it’s as a child of God. Nothing that ever happens or doesn’t happen in this life will change that. So much of our story is yet unwritten. It’s like when you’re in high school and all the problems and worries and stress about high school feel like the weight of the world because it’s all you know. But what I know, and what teachers and parents know is that those 4 years are really just 4 short years. So it is with this entire life you lead.

Your life is not defined by high school or college or your job or your role as a wife or mother. Your life, your soul, your essence is defined by the creator of the Universe. He says you are beautiful and you are His, regardless of what you do, say or achieve. You are enough.

See ladies, there’s a solution. Jesus says to YOU, “I have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly.”

I know it seems impossible, but it’s not impossible. Jesus says so!

What does an abundant life look like? Stay tuned for Part 2 of “UNDERCOVER MESS”.

XOXOXO,

Laura

 

For when my life crumbled, I learned what “Be Still” really means.
And I want you to know, too.